A Subculture
Everything in the world lends itself to the right, and it’s true. But to my subculture, right is wrong. My subculture includes everyone who smudges the written word, loves England’s driving style and feels strange during a simple handshake. Our roots extend as far back as recorded history can take us, and include some of the most talented and prized people of their times. We are somewhat scarce in the population, but have produced eight United States presidents, three world conquerors, twenty-six academy award winners, Oprah, every polar bear, Bill Gates, two Beatles, the best selling rapper and three of the most famous artists of all time. We also invented the American automobile, and walked on the moon. Considering we only make up about 10% of the people, we are doing quite well for ourselves versus the masses not included in the most elite and privileged group in existence.
One can’t simply become a member of our subculture, since we are destined to be great on a genetic level. A specific gene called LRRTM1 helps to tip the symmetry of the brain in favor of being a southpaw, and since handedness is determined in part by this gene, it can be passed along to offspring. Even if a right-handed person wanted to convert, they would still have a different brain symmetry that would never allow them to reach full left-handed potential. People that are ambidextrous tend to be left-handed who are forced to use their right hands more often while they are young (I guess you right-handed people didn’t think that you would be creating a group of super lefties by trying to make us convert). Even though some of us left-handed folk have mastered being right-handed (like it’s hard), we are loyal to our own kind. However, my left-handed cohorts and I often face hardships living in a right dominant society and no matter how much we try to adapt, there will always be less of us.
Dangers of a Right Society
Being left-handed in a right-handed world can be stressful despite our natural potential to be better at sports and smarter and stuff. Scissors are put together incorrectly, most cars have steering wheels on the wrong side and all the rules in physics are referred to as “right hand rules”. We often find ourselves sipping from right-handed mugs, using the mouse attached to the right side of the keyboard and trying to get comfortable in a one-piece school desk, not to mention can openers. Many of these daily activities seem trivial, but underlying dangers are around every corner for lefties. For example, a person’s dominant hand plays more of a total body role, in which we kick with our left foot and see better with our left eye—which extends to our startle reflex. While driving a car on the right side of the road a startled lefty will always swerve left, which could very well be into oncoming traffic, while a righty will always swerve off the road. Also, besides physical danger, the right-handed world created many negative connotations for left, such as “sinister” and “two left feet”, while keeping all the good words for themselves i.e. right means correct. Many other languages have words for left that spawned from words like “weak” and “awkward”, and these negative connotations even gave way to mass prosecution. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake and countless more were killed during the Salem witch trials just for being left-handed. Even religion has it out for lefties. Jesus sits at the right hand of God, while his left is reserved for judgment. In America we put our right hand over our hearts to say the pledge, and it’s this type of cultural ostracizing that causes us to form our own subculture. I would like to think that righties spent so much effort into bring the left man down because they are secretly in love with us, but I really doubt it. They only want our power for their own, and are jealous that we can handed a pair of right-handed scissors and cut out anything just as fast, while still having a dominant hand free for any number of tasks.
Advantages
Being left-handed has huge advantages despite the onslaught of right-handed ideals. With a predisposition for superb coordination, we dominate sports. Baseball pitchers and batters, fencers, bowlers, and tennis players are just some of the many types of athletes that benefit from being left-handed. Making it to a professional level requires a large amount of practice, but how would a lefty gain an advantage? This is where we have strength in fewer numbers. When righties practice, they practice with mostly other righties, and when lefties practice, we play with the very same righties. Repetition of an action such as batting builds muscle memory, which is hard to break when a righty finally has to go against a lefty that has no problem facing a righty—we’re used to it. In bowling, there are fewer southpaws and therefore less balls being curved from left to right toward the pins. After many frames in a tournament with so many right-handers, their side of the lane degrades causing inconsistent bowls. Lefties are less intrusive to their environments and maintain a perfect slick lane all the way to the 1st place trophy. Being a minority, we are less common opponents and therefore possess an advantage in almost every sport.
Until the world decides to make an effort to produce more left-handed objects and recognize our rights (see there it goes again) as people who want to live in the direction we were created, we will continue to outsmart and outclass the right-handed population. When in an all left environment, we thrive. Left-handed people are not like right-handed people. We don’t argue. We don’t bicker. We just do what feels…left. And to live in a world that is half as left as that would be a dream come true. But until the day that our smartest left-handed scientist comes up with a way to make everyone a true lefty, we must function as our own subculture.
For Real?
This essay is the result of a creative writing prompt on subculture with a comical take. It is in no way a serious concern to be left-handed compared to the many subcultures and groups that face great hardships in society. It serves as a parody of people who feel oppressed despite being given plenty of privledge and priority in life. People will always find ways to make their troubles their own number one priority and ignore those who deserve the most empathy and compassion.
On a side note: On a QWERTY keyboard, the right hand alone can type 281 English words…and the left hand can type 2190. Your left side is a more eloquent typist.